


Love and Peace

by TisBee



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Thomas backstory, angst angst angst, aroace!robin, bi!alison, bi!kitty, bi!mike, biace!thomas, gay!cap, gay!captain, its quite dark, its so angsty, lesbian!fanny, lesbian!mary, pan!julian, pan!pat, they watch a pride parade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-17 00:19:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19329037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TisBee/pseuds/TisBee
Summary: Thomas is broken, isn’t he? That’s what he’s always been told. Maybe Alison can convince him he’s not.





	Love and Peace

**Author's Note:**

> So I don’t know what this started as, or what it ended as, but enjoy!

Thomas knew that new ghosts came all the time. If he was honest, things were easier when it was just him. When he was a young boy, he much preferred being alone with his thoughts, a piece of paper and a quill. He would pour his heart out, and he so wanted validation. It was all he strived for in life. And in death too, he guessed.

He needed peace, and he knew he was strange. Everything got too loud sometimes and it was so overwhelming. He never told anyone about it, just blocked the noise out, or left. Not that he could block it out. So sometimes he needed some space, to be alone.

But when he was alone, he had… thoughts. Thoughts he didn’t understand, didn’t know what to do with. He fell in love so easily. He often caught himself staring at the Captain, then found himself disgusted. He would never… never… never what? It’s not like he even understood these things.

Against his better judgement, he liked the other ghosts. They were his family, and although they were a little dysfunctional, he loved it like that. His life had been uneven, so why should this death be? 

Fanny was uptight, but kind, and motherly. She was stern, but he found an easy rhythm between them, but he always caught himself before saying anything too revealing. He did that with everyone, really.

Kitty was kind, and he enjoyed her company, even if she was a little full on. She gave him confidence. 

Mary had far too much influence over him, maybe he was spending too much time around her. They were an unlikely pair, but she was nice to him. Nicer than most people in life had been. 

Robin was… different. He could barely speak, but was somehow so eloquent. He would sometimes read his poems and stories to him. He seemed to appreciate it. As if someone saw him, and Thomas somehow knew that he was seen for who he was for the first time… maybe ever. 

Pat was always there to talk to, although, he knew he could hardly do that. He talked about everything and anything, except his feelings, anything personal. Thomas felt he couldn’t. It would be wrong. But Pat somehow seemed to wrestle it out of him in the nicest possible way, and he liked it. The easy chatter between them was nice.

Julian was annoying. All his talk of… hm… sex made Thomas want to throw up. He had never felt any attraction to it. But Julian was nice. Apart from his obsession, Julian was a good conversationalist, and Thomas liked to help him write speeches. 

And then there was the Captain. The Captain had captured his attention since he had first died. He always seemed to know what to do, and he was so very… handsome. He shuddered as he thought it. Why was he like that? He liked Alison. He had liked girls in the past but… he’d fallen in love with so many boys. He shuddered. In love? How could he be in love with a boy? He didn’t know. He’d liked boys all his life, but it was wrong. He couldn’t like the Captain. Besides the Captain. Was a… man. That couldn’t be right, could it? He sighed.

He had been in love many times before, of course he had. Girls, boys… but the girls had all wanted to… and boys, well, he couldn’t say anything about that. He wanted the Captain. More than anything in his life. No, not life. Life and death. The Captain took him out of himself. Maybe one day he’d say something…

He’d never told anyone how he died. And he didn’t think he ever would, apart from the Captain. Well, not now, at least. It had been hundreds of years ago, but it was still so fresh in his mind. He shuddered as he thought of it.

His family had always put so much pressure on him. He was the youngest son, and his older brother was perfect. His older sister was already married and had children and he… was a failure. He was broken. His mother just wanted the best from him and he couldn’t give it to her. Why couldn’t he?

His father made him give up his poetry. He was told to get a real mans job and Thomas tried. He really did but he just couldn’t. He was a failure. His family deserved so much better than him. He was better off gone from them… they’d be better without him. It wasn’t fair on them. 

He never told anyone of this. And then there were the ways he felt. Why was he like that? Why couldn’t he just be normal? He put his head in his hands, struggling to hold back his tears. He sat, not in his usual spot, but in the attic looking out of the dusty window. He was so tired. He wanted to rest, not have to avoid every question, every remark. On everyone’s Death Day he comforted them, celebrated even, but he never mentioned his own.

He remembered it in stark clarity. It was all too prominent in his mind. He had run away, with nothing but the clothes on his back. It was all he deserved, he reasoned with himself. If he was honest, he didn’t particularly care if he lived or died, but he found himself lost in the grounds of a huge house. He had closed his eyes and accepted his fate. He ignored the faint hallucinations and the bitter, biting cold.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he died, but he knew he didn’t exactly want to know. The most he remembered was a sharp bang and a searing pain which seemed to rip through him. He thought he had screamed, but he could never be sure. He had slumped against a tree stump and his eyes had fluttered shut, left alone with the thought that no one would truly care he was gone.

Until he had opened them. He was warm again. He could feel himself trembling, and he could see other people surrounding him. Well, two people to be exact, and if he was honest, they didn’t look like people. One was more like an ape, and the other was completely covered in soot.

“Wes be deads.” The soot-covered one said.   
Thomas stood slowly, facing the two of them. He was confused, to say the least. “Why is it just us here?” That was just the first question he had of many, all of them fighting and jeering to be let out.  
The ape-man seemed to consider this. “Well… I not… sure.”   
“Hello! My name’s Kitty!” Thomas jumped at the voice behind him. There was another one. A ghost? Were they ghosts?

His breathing quickened. Too many people. And he was dead. How could this be right? Butterflies swirled in his stomach. Was this hell? It must be. He knew he could never deserve to go to any form of heaven.

“Are there any more of you?” He asked tentatively.

The other girl, Kitty, began to talk at about 100 words per hour. He blocked her out, and the ape-man told him his name was Robin and the soot girl was Mary. Kitty was still going, talking about goodness knew what. At least she could talk properly, he remembered thinking bitterly.

Robin seemed to see how overwhelming this had been for him, and led him to the huge house. His new home, he had thought abruptly.

He blinked suddenly, pulling himself out of his dreams, realising with a jolt that however long the house had seemed big and strange, he always knew, even then, that these strange people would be more of a family to him that his real one ever had been.

He sunk back into his thoughts, until he heard the Captain. He winced, not now. Anytime but now. “He’s up here, sulking again.” Thomas could practically hear his eyes rolling. “Thomas, come on you can’t stay up here forever.”  
Thomas gulped and turned to face him, trying to stop the tears streaking down his face. “Please don’t bring them up here.” He whispered pleadingly, voice cracking slightly.

They were already coming, like an army, an onslaught of shame. Not from them, but he couldn’t bear their pity. He stood quickly and rushed down the stairs, leaving a gaping, confused standing alone.

Thomas knew he would have to talk to them eventually, he thought vaguely as he rushed down the stairs, and in his haste to leave, ran straight through Alison. He ignored the strange feeling, barely even noticing it.

He didn’t know where he was running to until he arrived. The tree stump he had died at.

He stared at it up and down, remembering when his family had found him. It had been a month after he had become a ghost. He had watched them arrive, and numbly went down to see them. Kitty, Robin and Mary followed him cautiously. He didn’t exactly know why he was going, but he did anyway.

His mother had knelt down next to his rotting body, tears running down her cheeks. His father, brother and sister stood idly behind, talking amongst themselves.

He looked down at his feet, trying to block out their conversation. He wanted to leave, he really did, but he found himself rooted to the spot.

“He’s finally got himself killed for good, has he?” His sister said absently, looking slightly disgusted.  
“Let’s go!” Said his brother impatiently.  
“Come on Rosamund.” His father told his mother, annoyed.

His mother stood up, took one lady look at the body, and they left. They hadn’t come back, no one had. His body hadn’t been buried, but he didn’t mind. His bones were next to him, and he found it all disturbing. A ghost sitting next to his body. He wondered what the others would think of him. He shut that thought down before he began fretting even more.

He could hear footsteps coming towards him, and he sighed, not exactly wanting to talk to anyone.

“Thomas? Are you ok?” It was Alison. Thomas could talk to her.  
“I- yeah- no. I don’t know.” He sighed, putting his head in his hands. “It’s my Death Day.” He said simply.

Alison could tell that a Death Day affected Thomas more than anyone else. He looked… scared by it. She paused, careful about what she would say next. Before she could say anything, though, he spoke first, so softly, she might not have heard it if she were listening any less.

“I’m broken, Alison,” he said quietly. I- I think I’m in love with a man, I mean, I love you too, of course, but I- I can’t get my mind to want… sex. It all just makes me uncomfortable and I really don’t know-“ he cut himself off, cursing himself for saying too much. How could he just tell her? She would be disgusted by him, but he could understand that. But he didn’t want her to hate him.   
“Oh! So you’re bisexual? And asexual?” She asked gently.  
He lifted his head out of his hands. “What are they?”   
“It’s when you fall in love with two genders, that’s bi, or bisexual, and asexuality is when you don’t feel any sexual attraction.”  
“But… isn’t it wrong?”  
“Not at all! So, tell me who you like?”   
Thomas chuckled sadly. “I don’t know…” he didn’t quite believe her, but maybe… if she said it was ok… 

No. It still wasn’t ok, just because she told him it was. He didn’t know what he was meant to do, didn’t know what to believe. Everything was muddling up in his mind and it had began to hurt. 

Alison looked as if she would say something else, but seemed to think better of it. “You’ll come down tonight?” She asked, thinking of their daily meetings, which mainly consisted of watching tv and various shenanigans. Thomas pauses, the nodded. He didn’t think he could miss it.

That night, they all gathered as usual, Thomas perched in Mike’s usual seat, but Alison had insisted he sit there. The other ghosts wandered in at different times, glancing at Thomas, and thought better of whatever they were about to say.

“What are we watching today, Alison?” The Captain asked seriously, meeting Thomas’s eyes with a silent question of ‘Are you ok?’ Thomas gave a small smile, and shrugged slightly. The Captain decided that this was the best he was going to get, and left it alone.  
“Pride.” Alison said simply, not giving anymore explanation, flicking through the channels until she found the right one. She sat back in satisfaction, and let the bright parade and its enigmatic and passionate participants speak for themselves.

By the end, they all sat in silence. No one knew quite what to say. The stories some told of not being accepted seemed to hit them all hard, understanding in some way. Most had tears in their eyes, and Fanny was looking away. 

“Is it legal then?” The Captain asked quietly, cutting through the silence.  
“Yeah, some people don’t like it, they are wrong by the way, it is widely accepted, as it should be. Me and Mike are both bi, aren’t we?” Alison directed her attention to Mike, and he widened his eyes.  
“Um, yeah. Why? Is it the ghosts?” He said and Alison nodded, Mike looked as confused as he normally did.

Thomas’s mind was still reeling from what he had seen, and he could see that Fanny had had her eyes opened as well. There were so many people like him… he gave an involuntary smile, and looked down at his hands in disbelief. He honestly had no idea what he was meant to think. 

“Alison?” Kitty asked, “What’s bi? And what’s it called when you like girls and boys?”  
“Liking girls and boys is bi. Or bisexual. Do you want to see your flag?” Alison glanced at Thomas, not wanting to out him, she knew how that felt.  
“Ooooh yes!” Kitty asked.  
“Can I see it too?” Thomas asked quietly, and everyone turned to stare at him. “I’m bisexual too. And asexual.”   
Alison beamed. She could tell that this was still hard for him, and she was immensely proud of him. “Of course! Would you like to see the ace flag too?” 

She brought the flags up and showed them around, explaining what each sexuality meant as she went along. Robin came to the realisation that he was aromantic and asexual, Julian then wanted to see the pansexual flag, (there had been lots of questions on the subject of that, and Alison answered them all patiently, making sure everyone understood) and Pat came out. 

Then came the Captain, looking relieved as if he had been keeping the secret for a long time, but Thomas didn’t exactly have the heart to tell him that he already knew. He hadn’t exactly been subtle.

“All this is wrong.” Fanny suddenly, said strongly. Everyone turned to look at her in shock, all with varying expressions. Some looked haughty, some upset, some just taken aback. Nevertheless, she stood firm, her cheeks colouring a bit.  
“Yes it be witchcrafts, be it nots?” Mary asked, looking unsure.  
“It’s not wrong, and it’s not witchcraft.” Alison said firmly. “I know that this is new to most of you, and it will take time to process all this.” Her voice became more gentle then. “I know more than anyone, and I grew up in a world that was far more accepting than yours. Fanny, I know your husband was gay, and he wasn’t a good person, but that doesn’t reflect on everyone in the community. Mary, I know this is hard for you,” she thought of Thomas then, but made sure not to mention him, “But oh will understand. You cannot help it if someone else is gay, and it’s certainly does not make them a witch.”

Alison was flushed, and Fanny mouth was turned into a round o of surprise. She seemed to be thinking, turning over the words in her head. 

“So… I not be a witch?”  
“What do you mean, Mary?” Pat asked kindly.  
“I fells in loves with a girls and I gots burnts.” Mary said. The others all nodded understandingly.

Fanny gulped, and cleared her throat. “When I found George,“ she paused, “As you all know, I was pretty disgusted. But I realised I never loved him. I was in love with his sister.” She almost whispered. “I’d never been in love with any man.”  
“It sounds like most of you have some internalised homophobia.” Alison said softly. “But it’s ok. It’ll get better, I promise.”

Epilogue   
A week later, it wasn’t exactly better, but Alison knew that it wouldn’t happen so soon, it might take years. She stretched tiredly, yawning as she walked past the Captains room, but stopped short when she heard soft laughing and murmurings coming from inside.

The door was cracked open a little, and she put one eye to see what was happening. She was curious, and she wanted to know what was going on. Her hands gripped the cool door as she stood on tiptoes to get a better look.

Thomas was lying down on the bed, intertwined in the Captains arms. The Captain murmured something into his ear, and Thomas laughed, leaning up to kiss the tip of his nose. 

The Captain flushed and this seemed to make Thomas laugh even more but he cut him off with a kiss, Thomas pulling away with a slight ‘oh’ and the Captain looked quite smug. 

Alison smiled, and pulled the door shut quietly, not wanting to disturb them. She felt as if she were imposing on a very private moment, and she walked up to her room feeling as if her job was done. Well, at the moment it was.

She was glad Thomas had found his peace.

**Author's Note:**

> All kudos and comments are appreciated! There’s a second chapter planned too I think ;) stay tuned


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